What is the best part about living in Germany? What is the hardest?

The best part about living in Germany is probably the socialized medicine. You hear stories about illnesses making people bankrupt in the US, and I don’t have to worry at all about that here. If, God forbid, Oliver was autistic, or Rainer had a heart attack, or whatever, we wouldn’t need to worry about affording treatment.

The hardest part is living so far from the US/my family. Although, with my annual 4-5 week vacation back, I probably spend more time with them now than I would if I lived in another part of the US from them, I can’t just hop on a plane for a weekend at home like I could if I lived in the States.

Can you see yourself living forever in Germany?

Yeah, I could. In fact, that seems more likely than not, and I’m totally cool with that. I like Germany, and think that maybe it’s the better place to raise a family. I like that there isn’t this culture of fear. Every time I watch the US news, I feel scared. I don’t like that feeling. I didn’t notice it when I lived in the US, but I guess I must be much more relaxed now, since I do notice it now. I also like that Germans seem more easy-going when it comes to child-rearing. You don’t have German moms scrubbing down the house with antibacterial cleansers. Or thinking that if their kid isn’t in 500 different after-school-activities, it’ll stunt their intellectual growth and they won’t get into the right college. You can see six year olds walking to school alone (not always, but often enough). The ten year olds here even take the train on their own in to Regensburg for school. Can you imagine ten year olds taking a train 15 miles on their own in the US? Studies show that kids in Europe are healthier, more intelligent, and taller than their American counterparts - so I guess I’ll be happy to stay here for at least the next 20 years or so!  If the Euro stays strong against the US dollar though, retirement in the US probably wouldn’t be that bad, unless the US National Debt has caused a financial collapse.

Do you think that Regensburg is the final destination and if yes, what makes it feel right to stick around a little longer. If no, what places could you imagine to live? Back to the roots (The States, that is?)

I don’t know if Regensburg will be the final destination, it all depends on Rainer’s work, but I would be happy if it was our final destination. I like the city and I like the people here. When I lived in the east, people told us how Bavarians are stuck up and snotty, but I haven’t found that to be true at all. I think many people take the stereotype of Müncheners (which is just that, a stereotype) and apply it to all Bavarians. There is a bit of an Italian feel to the city, with people sitting at sidewalk cafes and hanging out in the squares. And the food here is pretty darn good.

I could imagine living a lot of places. I’m pretty adventurous. I could imagine living back in the US too, but I think if we did end up moving back there, I would have reverse culture shock and would require a long readjustment period. I’m pretty content with Germany and our current area.

I have read a bit about the vaccine debate in the US , so I was wondering if there is anything like that here?

I’ve read about the vaccine debate in the US too. I haven’t heard much about it here. Vaccinating your child is voluntary here. When it comes time for the scheduled immunizations, the pediatrician will give you a pamphlet describing the risks and benefits that you take home and read over. You sign a form that you understand the risks and benefits, then your kid gets the vaccine. All of the moms I know, including my Babytreff group, have immunized their kids. I haven’t heard much argument against doing it here, although I have heard of people delaying the immunizations because their kid was immune-compromised, etc.  Funny enough, I was just talking to someone about this and about autism.  If you’re interested in reading about autism rates in the EU, here’s an article from the European Commision.  It seems autism rates here are slightly lower than in the US:

…existing information suggests that age-specific prevalence rates for “classical autism” in the EU could vary between 3.3 and 16.0 per 10,000. These rates could increase to between 30 and 63 per 10,000 once all forms of ASD are included.

The average ASD prevalence among 8-year-olds in several areas of the US was 6.7 per 1,000 in 2000 and 6.6 per 1,000 in 2002, or about 1 in 150 children in the communities measured. Most ADDM Network sites found a prevalence of 5.2 to 7.6 per 1,000 8-year-olds with ASD in 2002. Prevalence was much lower in Alabama (3.3 per 1,000) and higher in New Jersey (10.6 per 1,000) in that year.

Based on your thoughts currently–As Oliver grows up, what do you think will be the main benefit/advantage for him in growing up in Germany that he would not receive if he were growing up in the US? Besides the German language skills!

I think the main advantage would be growing up with more awareness of the world. In the US, I think it’s easy to think of your locality as your world and not pay much attention to what’s going on outside of that world. I expect he’ll grow up knowing more about world geography and politics than he would growing up in the States.

Other than compatibility with both languages, what led you to choose Oliver’s name, and what other names did you consider?

We wanted a name that was pronounced the same in both languages. That was our main consideration. But we had a terrible time trying to come up with a name we could both agree on. I wanted Jamie and Rainer wanted Joe. We had agreed on a girl’s name (see below) and in the book The Baby Name Wizard (good book), Oliver was a suggested sibling name for our girl pick, and it was the first name we both loved.

What would his name have been if he’d been a girl?

Ella Iola. Ella after Ella Fitzgerald, Iola after my grandmother Ila Iola.

What was your favorite subject in seventh grade?

It’s difficult to remember back that far. I can remember 8th grade, but for some reason, 7th is harder. I’m guessing my favorite class was probably either English or Science. Even in college those were my favorite classes. I considered doing an MFA in creative writing (my college of choice would have been ASU), but statistics won out in the end due to being financially more lucrative.

As the daughter of a restaurateur, what irritates you most when dining out?

Rudeness from the waitstaff. After living in Europe, slow service doesn’t bother me at all, and I can forgive bad service most of the time, everybody has a bad day where nothing goes right, but being rude or snotty is unnecessary. Oh, and trying to cheat me, I will never go back to a restaurant that tries to cheat me. That’s why I won’t be going to San Daniele again. I’ve noticed this more in Germany than the US, probably because they just write down what you had at the end. I’ve had waitstaff try to charge me for more drinks than I drank, and try to charge us for meals that were already paid for by group members who already left (that was San Daniele). That’s an unforgivable sin.

Where would you live if you could live anywhere?

I think if we had unlimited funds, Paris would be awesome, or southern France. I loved Montpelier.

What is your idea of a perfect day?

It’s hard to come up with a perfect day, my days seem pretty darn good as they are, for the most part. I guess a perfect day might be somewhere on vacation with Rainer and our families, with nice weather, spending the day outdoors, maybe an hour or two on the beach in the morning, having a walk through a historic town in the afternoon, and an evening of sitting around chatting or playing games in the evening. that would be pretty ideal.

Lynn is a Canadian expat that I made friends with in Potsdam who has since moved to Australia. When I met her, she had an almost two year old daughter and was six months pregnant. I’d been opening up more to the idea of being a mom, but getting to know her and seeing her relationship with her daughter was what finally convinced me that I could do it. I thought her German birthing experience would be especially interesting to folks because she had her first child in Canada and her second in Germany, so she could compare and contrast the differences in her experiences, so I decided to ask her about her thoughts:

What were the biggest differences in your prenatal care between Germany and Canada?

There were no fundamental differences between the prenatal care I received in Germany and Canada. I scouted out an English speaking Frauenartz and I was lucky enough to find him only a few blocks from where I lived! In Canada, I hired a doula, took prenatal yoga classes, and also took the prenatal birth classes. Had my German been better, I probably still wouldn’t have taken yoga or participated in the birth classes as this pregnancy was my second one anyway. In Germany, I had an English speaking midwife who gave me acupuncture during the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy.

Were you surprised by anything?

The biggest surprise for me was the lack of a paper skirt at the doctor’s office. Had this been my first pregnancy, I might have been horrified and completely embarrassed but since it was my second pregnancy - I was already accustomed to being ‘on display’ so it wasn’t that bad. But still - it was odd and I had to get used to it.

Did you find anything disappointing? Was there anything you wish you could have changed?

What I found most disappointing about my birth experience in Germany was the lack of compassion from the midwives at the hospital. My regular midwife (who was wonderful) wasn’t on staff that morning so I had another one. They were very severe and harsh. I came into the hospital with really hard contractions and 30 minutes after I got there I was already in transition - the baby was coming. I felt like they thought that I was just being a wimp with all my moaning and groaning. It still irritates me to think about it. Anyway, the birth was hard and fast and I was given an episiotomy without any anaesthetic. So, after the baby was born and I was lying down, I asked another midwife for some paracetamol with codeine and she scoffed at me. I was rather taken aback by that since I just gave birth with NO epidural, and an episiotomy so I was pretty darn sore and swollen. The attitude was - ‘why do you need that?!.

In Canada, the nurses on staff were much more compassionate and understanding of the trauma your body goes through after birth. So, I had Tylenol 3s on a regular schedule.

However, in Canada they expect you to only stay one night and leave the next day for a normal vaginal delivery. I liked the fact that you stay in the hospital longer in Germany - especially if this is your second child - it gives you time to rest and recover from the birth and get to know your new baby. In Canada, a public health nurse comes to your house to see if everything is going well with you and the baby, but in Germany, your midwife visits you at least once a week for 6 weeks. I really appreciated all the help and advice I received from my midwife.

How well do you speak German? Did you have any problems you’d attribute to language in your experience in Germany?

Well, my German isn’t that great. I can get by and can understand and speak in simple sentences - thankfully most medical staff can speak some English. Honestly, I can’t attribute any problems I had to language difficulties - it was probably more cultural differences than anything.

Is there any advice you’d give to expat women giving birth in Germany?

If you aren’t fluent in German, then I would recommend seeking out an English speaking doctor and midwife. If my doctor didn’t speak English, I would have had a very difficult time expressing any concerns I had or asking questions about tests, pregnancy, and the birth. The same goes for my midwife. However, on that note - when you do give birth - I don’t’ think language is an issue. Nature takes its course, and if you have the baby. There is a good website that I found that I gave you the link to.. do you remember it? Perhaps you can post it for others - I found it very helpful.

Links Lynn shared with me:

• http://www.howtogermany.com/pages/medical.html
• http://www.hebammensuche.de/ - to help you find a Hebamme in your area (you can also search for English speaking Hebammen in this search engine)
• http://www.babycenter.com/ - There is also a German site too. You can sign up for weekly newsletters about each stage of your pregnancy - it has lots of good information here.

Some of my thoughts on her experience: the Hebammen (midwives) I had were all great (well, except the first one, but she didn’t have too much to do with me since I wasn’t having contractions during her shift. I could imagine the Hebamme who led the birthing class I attended being the way Lynn describes, however. I think it’s funny that they seemed to think she was making a lot of fuss about nothing. I don’t remember it, but Rainer told me the other day that when I was doing my shot putter grunts, the more senior doctor told me not to be so crazy (I don’t remember the exact wording he told me, but she said something like, “Spiel mal nicht so verrückt.”). But then she was impressed with my “Bärenstark” pushing, so I guess I had the last laugh there!