It’s been a really stressful week here. My symptoms have gotten worse and Oliver has been sick with a virus and conjunctivitis (pink eye). Luckily, Oliver seems pretty much recovered today and I’m going to be induced next week, so hopefully by next Friday, I should feel better and we should have a new addition to the family. But on to the next question:
Tim asked:
I just visited the US after 4 years away. Did you have any reverse culture shock during your recent trip back to the US?
I’ve lived in Germany now for eight years and I’ve had reverse culture shock on all but my first few trips home. On this trip, I wasn’t out and about much, because of my illness, but I did notice a few things:
- The cars are still huge! I had heard hybrids and smaller cars were catching on, so I was surprised to find the roads in the DC area still clogged with Lincoln Navigators, Ford Excursions, Cadillac Escalades and Chevy Suburbans.
- News = either Fear Factor or Infotainment – Most news reports seem aimed to either scare the crap out of you or they are about celebrity affairs. I didn’t bother watching news while there because I don’t know who 3/4ths of the celebrities are anymore and I don’t want to know about the latest toxin in my drinking water or the brand new extremely rare flesh-eating bacteria that I better watch out for.
- Reality stars are big celebrities now – Not so much when I went away. People around me were talking a lot about The Bachelor and what he was up to now (apparently a bunch of other reality shows?).
- Kid unfriendliness – When we were out, we often got dirty looks when bringing Oliver into stores and restaurants that aren’t specifically “kid-friendly.” We’d get dirty looks first, then praise at the end for how surprisingly “well-behaved” our child was. In Germany, kids are brought with parents almost every place and learn how to behave in these places through their experience. They are a part of everyday life. I had friends and relatives explain that kids are welcome in certain places (like Shoney’s or Chuck E Cheese) and they are considered a bother every place else. I find this strange, but I guess Germany has a shrinking population and the US an expanding one, so that might explain some of the feelings towards children.
- Bread that never goes stale - As a part Asian family, we tend not to eat a lot of bread, but do on occasion. My mom bought a loaf of Nature’s Own Wheat Bread when I first got there in case Oliver wanted peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. It was kept on the kitchen counter and I had a slice every once in a while. The slice I ate at week 5 was just as soft and fluffy (and mold-free) as the slice I ate on day 1. Every day that passed, I felt more and more strongly that there was something seriously wrong with the bread.
That’s all that really occurred to me on this trip, but I’ve had other thoughts on other trips (just can’t come up with them at the moment). After living in the US, Rainer frequently complains about bad customer service in Germany, saying, “If this were the US, they would be fired immediately!” To which I laugh and shrug, saying, “Hey, it’s your country!”
Have you had reverse culture shock? What has bothered or surprised you when you’ve returned to your “home” country?
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post! We just moved back to the US from Brazil last November. I visited several times during our 2.5 years away and I had culture shock each and every time. I love that you commented on the forever-fresh fake foods. I completely agree with the news and the cars. I’ll add that all supermarket items are huge as well. When you step into a supermarket the family-packs and large quantities are overwhelming.
At the same time we too were frustrated with the lack of customer service in Brazil. In the US we do love the competition that requires companies to work hard for your loyalty. It doesn’t always result in good service, but much more often than what we experienced while abroad.
.-= Lori´s last blog ..Travel Tips: Ask the Right Local =-.
Living in Germany it’s very quiet and not a lot of cell phone loud conversations. Last time home to USA….everyone was so loud and talked loud on phones, restaurants etc..my ears were ringing!
I noticed the food thing too when I went back last time. The size of the chip bags used to bug me here. They’re like 1.5 servings big, so its easy to be tempted into eating the whole bag. But I noticed after a while that if you didn’t finish the bag within a day or two, they were stale and yucky. Back in the US we had a HUGE family size bag of Doritos that stayed fresh and crispy for a scarily long amount of time even though my kids were always forgetting to fold the top of the bag up and just left it sitting wide open on the counter. We also weren’t as fond of Doritos and a lot of other American junk food that we thought we missed. It just doesn’t taste good anymore!!!
I try not to think too hard about the preservatives. Eek.
Whenever I would come back to the US, and even when we first moved back, I was simultaneously delighted and overwhelmed by the selection at stores. I recall standing in the shampoo section of Target for a good fifteen minutes just staring at the shelves because I couldn’t focus, there were too many options.
.-= Blythe´s last blog ..The Winner! =-.
When I go back to the States I notice a lot of things:
1) Yes, the cars are huge! Not only are the cars huge but the streets are comically wide. I don’t understand why the streets need to be so wide when there’s not all that much traffic on them.
2) Toothpaste is huge! Ever since the liquids ban, it’s much easier to buy airport security sized toothpaste that lasts more than a day in Europe than in America. Here the standard size is 100ml. The smallest normal tubes in America are a lot bigger than the toothpaste here.
3) In general public transportation in the US is terrible. There are no ICEs, ICs, REs, RBs, or decent bus service in most of the places that I visit. Trying to get from the Indianapolis Airport to Bloomington, Indiana, takes forever–there’s a private shuttle service and it will drop you at select places around Bloomington, but if you want to go somewhere else in town, forget it. I end up renting cars. Same story for Denver, which has pretty decent public transportation for an American city–getting from the airport to my parent’s house would require at least three different bus routes. I don’t think that Germans ever really appreciate the difficulty of getting around the US without renting a car.
And on another note — good luck next week. You’ll be in my thoughts.
.-= tqe | Adam´s last blog ..Glittery Body Paint on Men Should Win. =-.
You don’t have to spend time away from the US to notice how unwelcome children are in many places. Sad to say, it’s a two-way street. A lot of parents don’t teach their kids any manners (like the lazy mom who allowed her little savage to push – yes, push – Addie away from the tunnel at Chick-Fil-A) and a lot of people without kids get exasperated in .0002 seconds when an 8-and-under takes a little longer at some common task than an adult might.
My husband and I have only lived in Germany for six months, but we still experienced reverse culture shock on our first trip back to CA this month.
We moved here knowing the things we disliked about where we came from, but these were only magnified when we went back to visit: the bad drivers (huge cars AND they don’t know how to drive them!), the horribly behaved children (mainly because the parents can’t be bothered), the lack of manners, the noise level, overly casual/inappropriate attire (butt cracks and fat rolls peeking out of sweats), the superficiality (12-yr-olds with designer bags, the constant “sizing each other up”) … I could go on and on. I must say, I do prefer the hands-off approach German salespeople have in stores. I was so sick of shopping in the states and having a salesperson coming up to me every five minutes.
As much as I miss family and friends (and Mexican food!), I could not wait to get back to Germany. We’ve only been here a little while, but the lifestyle is one that suits us so much better. Every time my husband and I come across some German way of doing things – be it lack of preservatives, traffic rules or paying for your shopping cart – we look at each other and say “because it just makes sense!” I appreciate where we live even more now after our visit back, for sure.
.-= Kate´s last blog .. =-.
I also live in Washington DC and there are two things which I really notice when driving into DC from Dulles Airport.
–Washington looks very spacious after coming from Germany. Huge buildings with surrounding campus etc.
–Houses look in my opinion really cheaply made when compared to German houses. Old sloping porches, sagging rooflines, cheap materials. In Germany the houses look solid and well built. I also like the often innovative use of glass one sees in so many German homes.
I totally agree with your observations, and I’m still shocked by some of them! –Especially news becoming so ridiculous at times (about celebrities, reality tv, and the sensational). Even Barbara Walters expressed disgust that more people watch when she interviews a celebrity vs. a head of state! Bangkok is burning, and we don’t here about it!!!
The thing that shocks me lately is the pervasive rudeness in US society and bad manners and general lack of dignity and respect for people. I can only compare it to my time in the US– however, people are quite rude compared to what I remember even 20 years ago.
Cell phones in public (loud, chronically attached), general impatience and rudeness about nearly evertything (interactions with store clerks, as an example), road rage, and the best example — rude political discourse and distortion. Could you imaging 20 years ago, a congressman yelling to a President “You lie!”?. There is so much rudeness, it horrifies me. I wonder “Didn’t their mother raise them better”? And BTW, I am talking about the ADULTS!!!
Thanks for answering my question, Christina, and good luck this week.
I agree with everything you said. We also found that while people still smile and are, as the Germans say, “superficially” friendly, there seems to be a lot of anger and selfishness under the surface. If the line at a store takes a little longer because a price-check is needed, everyone in line acts like you just massacred their family or something because you are delaying their lives by a couple minutes and you should have known better. I found I’ve grown much more to like the German way of not smiling or saying “Hi, how are you?” to everyone, but treating them like a human being instead and not blaming them for “getting in your way” when things don’t go perfectly.
We found the same attitude in traffic as well. If you take an extra second cause you don’t know the area, people get extraordinarily angry. We even had a guy follow us back to our hotel to yell at us because we stopped to let a pedestrian cross the street in front of us. He nearly scared my wife to death and thank god all he did was yell.
Then we’d go shopping and just take one of the plentiful parking spaces at the far end of the parking lot and other people would circle the lot (in their GIGANTIC cars) the whole time we were walking to the store trying to find a spot near the entrance. I started watching the cars that would enter the lot with us when we went to stores and almost always we would just park and be in the store before ANY of them had found a suitable spot yet.
I guess like other people have said, I noticed these things before I came to Germany, but I found them REALLY bothering me on my return. I hope now that I can stay in Germany permanently. It’s not perfect, and there’s plenty to gripeabout here, but it’s a better fit for me. I don’t think I could go back to the US.
I am somewhat surprised to find so many positive comments about Germany.
Of course there are pros and cons in either society, but truly there are many things that peeve me about Germans.
Many are incredibly impatient, I can’t begin to describe how often someone cuts in line at the Baker, Butcher, grocery store.
I have never heard anyone say pardon me or excuse me in German.
They have an uncomfortable level of personal space – it often goes so far that I can feel people’s breath on my neck when they are in line behind me. It’s even happened that people ask me to “get in line or move out of the way” if there is more than a 2 foot space between me and the person in line ahead.
They don’t bag grocery’s and the space at the end of the counter is so short that many of my items have fallen to the ground because the checker keeps shoving items toward me, even though I am bagging as fast as I can.
I have stopped counting the merciless times that I have nearly been run over in supermarket parking lots, cross walks and pedestrian only zones (by bike riders).
I have never experienced more impatient and rude drivers than on the Auto Bahn where tailgating, and flashing lights can drive one to the point of a nervous breakdown, just for passing a car in the left lane that is going 40 ks slower than you are.
I am tired of the intense focus on appearances, especially for people who are overweight, or express themselves in a non-mainstream fashion.
I am saddened by the lack of hands-on involvement when it comes to standing up for what you believe… never have I heard more complaining than in Germany, and never less action to help initiate change.
And lastly I am sorry for the countless people I have spoken to who are so concerned with what others think about them that they can barely function freely or normally because they are so inhibited by society’s judgment.
The US and Americans have many issues as well, but lets not forget about the wonderful freedoms, and individuality you can sense and feel when you are around Americans, which so greatly contrast from the gloomy, pessimistic expressions I see on German’s faces when I walk down the sidewalk or drive down a street.
@ Paula – the reason why everyone is so positive about germany IN THIS POST is because the topic is about reverse culture shock and most posters are speaking from a point of returning to the U.S. and with what Christina has experienced.
Are you currently in the U.S. and talking about reverse culture shock when returning to Germany, are you in Germany complaining about german “quirks” ? That being said I do agree about quite a few of the things that you’ve mentioned but I smile and chuckle to myself when I encounter them. Especially the autobahn. Passing in the left lane uphill, checked and nothing was behind me for quite a distance. As I’m passing, all of a sudden the high beams start flashing behind me (out of nowhere). I try and get out of the way ASAP. When I get back in the right lane 3 cars zip passed me… Top of the line porsche, bmw, and mercedes. So typical. Had to smile
@Paula
Alright, that stuff about “freedom” and “individuality” one can “sense” when being around americans just made me laugh out loud, pardon me. If america works for you good for you. But please be a little less emotional and selective about it. I’m half german half american and cannot second your gloomy (>so you can’t be american, right?) particularization.
When I visit the US I am alienated by the shrill nationalism. You can find one, often numerous, flags on basically any item, buildung, vehicle…
People that never left the states will tell you all the time how it’s literally the “greatest country on earth”, act like “I’m sorry to hear that” when I would tell I lived abroad, as if it was a punishment because american greatness can’t shine on me there.
I also notice a lack of demeanor. Most people just don’t seem to care about their appearance.
When I return to germany everything in bavaria just seems so much more clean-cut, modern, quaint. And, thank god, no flags.
@Eric – I noticed this underlying sense of ‘American greatness’ on my recent trip back to the states as well. I receieved quite a bit of resentment whenever I remarked on the things in Germany that just made more sense. Most notably, this sentiment came from people who were not as well travelled. It’s just so much easier over here to hop over to another country to experience, and appreciate, a whole new culture.
I think what these differences come down to is where you live and where you’re coming from. I’ve only been in Wiesbaden a short time (no, we’re not military – we live in a regular neighborhood), but I haven’t seen any of this ‘rudeness’ or pushiness some of you describe. In fact, I have found that people in our community are kinder and more patient than those of where we’re from in the SF Bay Area.
We feel even more accepted here considering most people on the street are friendly to us and try to speak English when they learn our German is poor, whereas at home, many people in our neighborhood did not even speak English, at least in front of us, and would only stare at us. When we would walk our dog around the block in CA, people would cross the street or go inside their house. Here, people often stop us and ask about what kind of dog she is (she’s an unusual Boxer/Labrador mix).
It seems that some people who have commented neither came from where I did, nor live where I live in Germany. I’m curious – where do some of you live in Germany and where are you coming from in America? It sounds like from Christina’s point of view, the Northern part of Germany can be less accepting and more brusque.
I suppose it’s also worth noting that my husband and I are tall, white and slender, so perhaps we look ‘German’ enough to be more readily accepted; I don’t know. Based on some of Christina’s experience, perhaps this has some bearing on how Americans are treated and accepted in German society.
.-= Kate´s last blog .. =-.
Man, I relate to all of this. I’ve been having a hard time recently here in France, and people are always asking me why I don’t go back to the States. I’ve been over here since ’93, most of the time in Germany, which I gradually grew to dislike intensely, and all of this strikes home because I now look forward to my annual trip back to the States the way I used to look forward to my European trips: a journey to a foreign country! Most of the things mentioned above — huge cars, impatient people, loud cell phone conversations — can be summed up in one word: entitlement. Americans, even though they’re using up their own resources at a blinding rate, still feel *entitled* to consume (and throw out) vast quantities of food, gasoline, and unrecyclable stuff. (In France, money is added onto the price of an item — and displayed as such — for fancy packaging.) You mention this to them — that you take a bag to the store, for instance — and they look at you like you’re dressed like an 18th century Quaker or something, flaunting your simplicity. In Europe we live in very dense population configurations, and interdependency is something that’s just in the air. In America, they’re killing themselves by degrees and still haven’t figured this out, for the most part. I’m always glad to be back home. Although you’re right about the Mexican food!
Good luck this week!
.-= Ed Ward´s last blog ..In Which We Engage With The Workers’ and Peasants’ Struggle =-.
I just discovered your blog and think it is really interesting to read on the way you experience your life here.
I am from Germany originally but I lived in the states for a while. When I returned it seemed to me that everything in Germany was really small and kind of insignificant. I missed the huge selection and had trouble driving on German roads.
Christina, I’m sending good vibes that your plight is soon over1 Just think… in a few more weeks, everyone in your family should be happy, healthy, and no longer pregnant! Best wishes from Sydney!
The state of US news makes me crazy. They either try to control the government, or snap up people’s attention, with stuff that is either a) totally false (Fox News), mostly false (Fox News), or just outrageous and stupid (everyone). Scaring the crap out of people with things that have a 1 in 10,000,000 chance of happening to you – that’s not news. That’s entertainment for idiots.
This is why I only watch Colbert and Daily Show. They always make me laugh instead of groan.
.-= Dave´s last undefined ..Response cached until Tue 8 @ 2:21 GMT (Refreshes in 25 Minutes) =-.
I entered this site by chance, but I found very interesting. A greeting to all the people who visit this page.
I especially agree with what Kate had to say in her comments. I also get what Paula was trying to say, especially about standing in line at supermarkets, and people very rarely excusing themselves after bumping into you. And I imagine we have all noticed the Germans who think that they know better than you–about anything–and will voice their feelings quite openly.
My family has been in Germany (near BeNeLux) for ten months, but we lived in Japan for six years before that. We have gone back to the States each summer and usually one other time during the year, and we’ve been struck by many of the same things others have mentioned. I appreciate how land is used in Japan, and also even in spacious, rural Germany, where we now live, compared to the way it’s often wasted in the States. Cell phones drive me crazy in the US. I hate that use of plastic bags is still so common in shops. Customer service in Japan is the best in the world, so it’s hard for any other country to measure up in that regard.
I do find it interesting that you said you think Germany is more child-friendly that the US. Before moving here, I read another woman’s blog post about how she found Germany to be surprisingly kid-unfriendly during her extended visit to see her brother and his family, who live in northern Germany. She said that this mindset has become something of a phenomenon here, now that the population is in decline (there have actually been TV spots encouraging people to think positively toward children!). So, anyway–it’s good that that hasn’t been your experience, nor has it been mine (my kids are older, though, and accustomed to being with us in many different situations). Funny, when you mentioned the way kids just go most places with their parents here, it reminded me of dogs, who are certainly better behaved in Germany, on the whole!
.-= The Hausfrau´s last blog ..New Mori Girl Mag =-.
I have no comment on the topic. Just wanted to send well wishes your way!
Great comments, and sorry for my late entry into the discussion, I’ve been busy
I have found that people in Germany are more pushy in the cities and in the northeast, than they are in rural areas and in the southeast. Interestingly, I think there is a similar stereotype in the US.
I think how you perceive Germany can depend a lot on where you come from and where you are currently living. Each time I moved south in the US (DC to Richmond, VA, to North Carolina), I found my patience often tried by life moving at a slower pace, but I quickly adjusted and liked the slower, friendlier way of life. Then I moved to Berlin, a big city with its own way of doing things. I had a lot of adjustment to do and decided that Berlin just wasn’t the place for me in the end. I’m guessing I would have had many of the same problems and probably the same conclusion if I had moved to New York City.
My husband and I were discussing our issues with Berlin recently. We were saying “the problem with Berlin is it’s full of Berliners,” but then he made an excellent point, “If it wasn’t full of Berliners, it wouldn’t be Berlin.” If you took all the Berliners away and filled Berlin with Müncheners, yes, you would lose the Berliner Schnauze (attitude), but you would also lose a lot of the great things about Berlin.
Great post, Christina! I always experience quite a bit of reverse culture shock: stopping to balk at the enormous pickups and SUVs, marveling at the selection in stores, etc. The shock is not always bad, though. I am very often pleasantly surprised by the power of small talk and smiles. They often brighten my day, whether they are superficial or not.
Christina made a great point in her comment, that if you took all the Berliners out of Berlin, it just wouldn’t be Berlin. I often have discussions with student groups of Germans and Americans about cultural differences that devolve into nitpicking and complaining. Some of the comments on this post tend in the same direction. I think we can all agree that the US has its flaws and that Germany isn’t perfect either, but let’s not forget how great it is that there are different places. If the US were exactly like Germany, then it wouldn’t be the US any more.
There are a lot of reasons that the US is the way it is. Sometimes people, especially older Germans, seem to forget or simply fail to understand the sheer size of the United States and the extreme cultural and geographical diversity there. Both of those factors account for a lot of the differences. If Germany had experienced explosive growth across a huge land area in the era of modern transportation methods, it might look a lot more like the US.
I am not trying to make excuses or get into one of the pointless “Which country is better” discussions. I just think we would all do well to remember that both countries are shaped by very different histories and are, in many ways, much more alike than they are different.
I really enjoyed reading all of the comments and am always happy to see new posts in this space.
Good luck, Christina!
Hi, I am German and I’ve been living with my American husband here in Miami for the last 7 years. I had to laugh when you wrote about your husbands comment about customer service in Germany. Because there is not a single day here in Miami where I don”t have to say this “If this were Germany, they would be fired immediately!” Customer service here just sucks and nobody seems to care about!
I had to LOL when I read what you said about the bread that doesn’t go bad. I had totally forgotten about that! How I miss Orowheat. This German bread is great, but only for about 2 days.
I do appreciate that we live in rural Cologne so the people are friendlier. But I refuse to stand directly in front of the register when someone else is still bagging his groceries. That is *his* place, and I’m still in line. I try to stay right next to my food on the belt, and I know it irks the people in line behind me. Since this is such a small town, eventually everyone will know me and realize I’m in no hurry and breathing on my neck doesn’t help.
~lytha