-
-
Directories
Sexual harrassment in academia: my experience
For probably over a year now, I’ve been considering posting about my experience as a female graduate student in a male dominated field. Until now, I’ve always told people that I left the PhD program in Statistics at Duke University because Rainer was in Germany and the professor I was working with had gone to another university. Those things were part of my decision to leave, but they were not the whole truth. I knew that my story could help people, but I also didn’t know how much I wanted to reveal, fearing even more damage to my career and reputation. So far, none of my story was ever made public, despite the attempts of two reporters, one of whom, from the campus newspaper, dogged me for a year.
First, I’m not going to go into the details. I don’t think that would help anything. And I’m not going to name names.
I started in the program at the Institute of Statistics and Decision Sciences at Duke University in the fall of 1999. Unlike all the other students in my year, I was entering with a Masters degree, giving me two years of experience in graduate school that none of the others had. I think this may have given me a kind of research confidence going in that other students didn’t necessarily have. I didn’t take a lot of classes with the students in my year, but one that I did take was with professor X. Professor X is a famous, respected , world-renowned statistician. X’s class was considered tough. The rumor was that no one ever got As on X’s assignments; X’s standards were too high. I don’t know if that rumor was true, but I believed it, so you can imagine my surprise, and joy, when I regularly got extra credit (I’m talking 110% to 115%) for my “ingenuity.”
The grad student office I shared was next door to the office of professor X, both of which were a little apart from other offices. Professor X would come in occasionally to ask what I was up to. It never occurred to me until later that I was always alone at those times.
Because of my “elder student” status in my year, at least that’s what I think was the reason, occasionally other students in my year would come to me to talk about their problems. I sometimes felt that the faculty should be aware of what was going on amongst the students. In one case, several students were pressuring another to leave, erroneously thinking that this would increase their chances of making it to the second year. I would take these issues to professor X, since I respected and had a closer relationship with him, and we’d spend time in his office discussing the problems and possible solutions. In the previous case, a meeting was held for my year and the students were told that if everyone performed well, everyone would continue in the program; there was no “weeding out” by percentage.
Sometimes professor X would make odd comments that I just wrote off, assuming he didn’t know how what he said sounded. I could never remember exactly what he said, but I remember once he said something about a sun dress that I wore one day, that made me feel a little weird. He also had a habit of standing too close, but then, he did that to everyone and we all just wrote it off as a weird quirk.
In the fall of 2000, I slipped a disc in my back and was out of school for a few weeks. I returned shortly before Halloween, just in time to join in the annual department Halloween party. The professors in the department knew how to party. Their parties always ended up with drunken people dancing on tables, while the grad student parties were usually dry and involved board games.
There was always a lot of pressure on the students from the hard-partying professors to attend the Halloween party. Most of us would go. I was asked to be DJ that year, and I was actually looking forward to amazing them with my skillz. The night of the party came, I got a ride from a friend, and I got to work on getting the party started. Things were going well until people started hitting the liquor hard. Soon professor X was spending the majority of his time sneaking up on me to do and say very inappropriate things.
I complained to friends, and we tried to look out for him, but we’d get caught up in dancing or chatting and he’d strike again. I complained to professor A, a female professor in the department. She told me to hang back towards the edge of the room and stand next to a male grad student, this would deter professor X. I did this and thought things were going well, but as I went back to the secluded stereo alcove, things progressed with Professor X accosting me physically. Just as I was about to punch or knee him in order to get away, he was interrupted by another professor coming into the area.
I got a ride home, and spent the night awake, going over and over the events of the evening. The next day, I called two friends and we emptied my stuff out of my office. I didn’t want to make a big deal about what had happened, but I needed someone to talk to X about what he had done. I visited professor B at home, who said that no one in the department could do anything. I spoke to professor C, who also said this. I spoke again to professor A, who told me that as an attractive woman, I needed to expect this kind of treatment, and that I should be flattered to have attention from such a famous guy. She added that if I went along with it, it could make my career. I was appalled.
I knew a woman in the dean’s office and met with her to ask her opinion. She took me to meet the Dean of Graduate Studies, and I told him what had happened. I ended up making an informal complaint and taking an official leave of absence from the university. The dean told me that when he confronted professor X, X, who always treated me as a favorite, called me a “lying whore who couldn’t be believed.”
I got a job and things were going smoothly until I got a call from the Office of Internal Affairs. Word of my informal complaint had reached the president of the university, and she was demanding a formal investigation. I came in and testified. They also questioned at least one other person who was at the party that night. Professor X was found guilty and given a substantial fine. I received a letter of apology from professor X (with no return address on the envelope, I was ambushed into reading it with no prep time). The university asked me to come back, and I said that I’d think about it.
Then my father was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. His wish was for me to finish my PhD, so I went back to school. The leave of absence was wiped from the records. Officially, I never left school. I hadn’t told my father the details of what had happened. He thought I was overreacting to something small at the time. Later, shortly before his death, I told him exactly what had happened, and he was upset that he had pressured me to go back.
Rainer returned to Germany in September of 2001, my dad died in November of 2001, and the professor I wanted to work with went to another university, halfway across the US. In addition to these reasons, I was no longer happy in the department. I had turned in professor A for her appalling advice and another professor for being a serial groper. Half of the department didn’t know what to say to me, the other half ignored my existence. Conversations would stop when I entered the room, people would get up and leave. My questions would go unheard by professors. I lost my best friend because we differed in opinion on how I should have reacted. I was also being borderline harassed by a student reporter (in addition to me, she called every person in the department, but I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards her, she was doing her job well and I probably would have done the same if I was in her place). For all these reasons, I left the university and moved to Germany in May of 2002.
In the time before I left though, I attended several conferences, and I can’t count the number of women who came up to me mostly to praise my courage in turning X in, or, in a few cases, exclaim my extreme stupidity. They all told me about their own experiences. At the time, I could name at least one professor in every top statistics program in the US who was a serial harasser, most of whom were never reported. I was the first to make a complaint about X.
Much of my unhappiness my first few years in Germany was probably caused by dealing with this (I almost had a panic attack when alone in a car with my German boss once) and the death of my dad. Also, as time went by, I realized that professor C (and maybe also B) had used me to make a power play. C is now a VIP (very important professor), partly, I think, because of the downfall of X. I actually feel more wronged by C than by X or A. I wonder if she was secretly gleeful as I poured my story out to her. I also expect that my current weight is due in part to this experience (in addition to the death of my dad and the expat 20). I was a size 8 at the time, I exploded up to a size 18. I’m now struggling at size 16, dealing with a recent binge that happened after a homeless man groped me in Nuernberg (I tend to binge after receiving unwanted attention now, but I’m getting better and better at dealing with it).
According to the Wikipedia article on sexual harassment in education, 9% of females who were sexually harassed dropped a course or skipped a class. I guess the percentage who completely drop out is even lower, or maybe they just don’t say why they dropped out.
I no longer have the respect for academics that I had as a young naive grad student. I don’t imagine that I’ll go back to school. I don’t really have a desire to finish. I used to want to change the world, to be a top statistical researcher. I thought I might someday get back to that, but eight years later, I still have no desire. I do feel a bit ashamed though when I tell people I never finished. Whether or not they really are, I feel like they are judging me, that they figure I failed out and am using Rainer as an excuse. I guess that’s more me externalizing some of what I feel on the inside. I know it shouldn’t matter, so what if I had failed out. But just for the record, because I’m shallow like that, I left Duke having passed my preliminary exam and with a 4.0 GPA.
My experience has left me with a lot of doubts about whether i want a career. For one, there is only one professor from my time there who would give me a recommendation. Two, I have trouble trusting authority figures, especially male authority figures. It also makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable to be alone with most men (other than Rainer, of course). I never believed X capable of what he did, how can I be absolutely sure that any other guy won’t do the same?
Well, I think that’s it for my tale. I hope it ends up helping someone and not just making trouble for me (or anyone).
Have you experienced sexual harassment? How has it affected you? (Feel free to post anonymously)
Wow, it’s never been so hard to hit “publish.” Okay, deep breath and here goes…
Update 12 Aug 2008: It’s been a little over two months since I wrote this and I’m surprised at how much it helped me to get my story out there. I feel like it’s put closure on the incident for me and a weight has lifted from my shoulders. I had doubts two months ago, regrets that I never finished my PhD, but since the writing, I’ve realized that it’s not important to me at all. I might change my mind in the future, but for now I don’t want to go back to school. I’m enjoying being a stay-at-home mom and have even started to think of a career as a writer or pro blogger, perhaps. I think having my son put things in perspective, and writing my story allowed me to let go of the last bits of that past I was holding on to. Thanks, everyone, for your kind thoughts. Oh, and by the way, I just slipped into a pair of size 14 jeans and I feel marvelous and sexy, not at all worried about what kind of reactions I may have to deal with.
If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Related posts
Comments
41 Responses to “Sexual harrassment in academia: my experience”
Leave a Reply
-
Subscribe to AmiExpat
-
About Christina G
Christina Geyer has lived in Germany since May 2002. She also blogs on the site Mamas Worldwide. For more, see About Christina G.
Recent Comments
Christina G on WorldWise Quiz: Berlin November 20, 2008 5:58 am
Congrats! I missed the year of Kennedy’s speech. Bad me!Christina G on Still Ongoing: The Off the Beaten Path Challenge November 20, 2008 12:07 am
Awesome. I’m looking forward to it!CN Heidelberg on WorldWise Quiz: Berlin November 19, 2008 11:32 pm
I got 10/10, yay! This can make up for my poor performance on the election quiz.
CN Heidelbergs last blog post..Ikea on...Tom on Where to find a used car in Germany November 19, 2008 9:33 pm
Hi, great info- just a little to add if i can. I live on the brstish net of expats here and have found in recent year the...Christina G on IHOP now has streusel pancakes November 19, 2008 8:34 pm
Yeah, I’m not obsessing about it. Just a little embarrassed when I see it and was looking for something to post for...cliff1976 on IHOP now has streusel pancakes November 19, 2008 8:17 pm
@cliff: Horribly embarrassing for me, as an American who knows a little something about Germany. Hmm…don’t take...Harvey Morrell on IHOP now has streusel pancakes November 19, 2008 5:57 pm
Reminds me of the old Löwenbräu commercial where fat men in bad German accents praised the US version of Lowenbrau as...Christina G on IHOP now has streusel pancakes November 19, 2008 4:40 pm
@cliff: Horribly embarrassing for me, as an American who knows a little something about Germany. I might have found it...creativecommons License
Blog under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 License
-
Photo Memes
What an awful ordeal. I too had to testify in a sexual harassment preliminary hearing. Even though I wasn’t the victim it was difficult because it dealt with a middle school teacher, who of course is still teaching or at least got his job back soon after the incident.
You’re very brave….I hope you’ll be able heal from these tragic incidences and be able to be able to deal with/confront negative attention. Please consider counselling… there are several americans/brits/ native english speakers etc who offer phone consultations or via skype if you want to talk with someone back home or as an expat in europe.
Thank you for putting yourself out there. I know it can’t be easy to expose your own vulnerability like this. But it is important. And it will only make you stronger. Thank you for sharing. I’m proud of you.
Thanks for posting this.
Women in male-dominated fields is a topic that’s been on my mind the last few days, since reading all the comments spurred by this blog post on Wired Science:
http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/05/why-are-senior.html
Your story adds another piece to an already very complicated puzzle.
CN Heidelbergs last blog post..An Augsburg/Ulm Quickie
Christina,
I applaud you for having the courage to write this! I know it must have been both torture and relief.
I have been a victim of sexual harassment — though some people might insist that what I endured wasn’t “the real thing.” Long story short, someone called me (during the TWA hostage crisis… which gives important stage-setting information), insisting that they had my husband and would castrate him if I didn’t do everything they said — and what they told me to do still gives me the creeps (and has affected me in many ways since). This man knew information that made me believe him.
No one ever touched me. In fact, no one was ever in the room with me. But I was still sexually harassed and no one can tell me otherwise.
I testified at this man’s trial and he was sent to jail. But he still haunts me now, 23 years later.
I have never blogged about this. Maybe it’s time, huh?
Love and hugs, Carol
Thank you for sharing the story with us. A female coworker of mine reported sexual harrassement and the man who did it was picked up by police. He lost his job and probably has a file…some people said that it was not fair for that man because he has 3 kids and a house to pay for. I didn’t know where I want to stand on that issue, because the lady is very nice and friendly. I also know that some of my male coworkers will verbally harass females on issues like sex and stuff. They’re pretty much bunch of disgusting pigs…
bluefishs last blog post..People like you
::hugs you::
nobody who ever met you will ever think you are using rainer as an excuse. you are a courageous woman: making the big step of confronting that professor, dealing with your fathers death, choosing to live not only in a different country, but on a different continent, and becoming a mum. so you didn’t finish your phd, but you accomplished so many other things!
speaking out about your experiences is brave. don’t let anybody tell you otherwise!!!
::hugs you again::
ritas last blog post..got kurt?
Wow— I had heard snippets of the story verbally, but it was powerful to read it all at once. Kudos to you for how you handled the situation and to talk about it now.
I somehow don’t have a comparable story to share. As a computer programmer, I’m also in a male dominated field and I tend to work on-site at male-dominated locales like mines, chemical plants and manufacturing floors. And yet, I have never felt disrespected or threatened or violated in any shape or form. One time in Europe, I had a database administrator contradict everything I said, but I think that was more because I was an American consultant and not because of my gender. Plus I managed to prove my “skillz” to him within a day or so and after that we worked well as a team.
Anyway, it sounds like I should definitely count my blessings. Reading your story is very eye opening. Things I have taked for granted seem to be the exception and not the norm.
And that’s a shame.
Thank you for writing this, and for having the guts to report this man. As someone who prides herself on being some kinda ballsy feminist, I’m also realistic enough about myself to know that in this kind of situation I might cop out and not report the harasser. Full kudos to you, and much admiration.
bowleseriseds last blog post..A Message for All You Mitte Yuppies
This sucks. The academic community has lost a smart woman from a field that needs more of them. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and that it’s had such a far-reaching effect on your life. Thank you for writing about it. I know others in similar situations will find their way here and take comfort, and I hope getting it out there helps you work through it too.
Academe is a strange stew of authority figures/students/colleagues/friends/spouses who all work and live together for way too many hours a day in a competitive environment. The charged atmosphere that creates can have bizarre results. I don’t think the potential for the kind of experience you had, which is undoubtedly far more common than we realize, is taken seriously enough.
(Also, for what it’s worth, I never assumed you dropped out of grad school because of a poor academic record. I just figured you decided the academic world was not your cup of tea.)
Blythes last blog post..I haven’t done one of these things in a while.
That was absolutely courageous of you—first to report it and second to share what happened. This probably happens more than anyone realizes, and it certainly goes unpunished too often—once is too often! And good for the president of Duke to not let this slide.
Michaels last blog post..Windmills or Lions?
I am sad that you left behind a promising academic career. I have witnessed many female grad students drop academic careers for reasons that have nothing to do with career potential, and would certainly not have had affected them if they were men.
The advice of Professor A is disgusting. Women take the academic path because they are interested in knowledge, period. Of course they don’t want to schmooze, cheat, or sleaze their way through it — otherwise they would have gone into something more lucrative!
Professor As have no place in academia — these people do not seek knowledge. A Professor Xs may make great contributions, but the careers lost at their expense would have had amounted to much more.
But the most disturbing case is that of Professors B, which applies to nearly all academics. They are so scared to jeopardize their own careers that they do nothing to improve academia.
I am afraid I can’t offer very good advice as to whether or not you should return to academia. However, in addition to your academic talent, I think you posses something much more valuable — courage. I would be delighted to see you take action to remove sleaze from academia, and to improve conditions for women in general.
I just read your post – Wow! That is a lot, and I am so sorry you had to go through all of that bullshit! You had mentioned a little but never the whole thing. It is really brave to put that out there, but I think you were right in saying that people can learn from this. It’s great that you have decided your priorities in life and have found happiness here rather than torturing yourself in a dysfunctional and dangerous environment just to prove to someone else that you can do it. That is not what a career is about – despite what the movies tell us sometimes. I think it’s mist important to share these things just because you realize that you are not alone, it was NOT your fault for expecting prof. X to act like a normal human being, and to get some feedback on your own bravery and strength for pushing the issue to some resolution (Though kicking him in the groin may have left you feeling more vindicated than a letter).
In my own experience, I was discouraged from follow through because it was basically too ‘minor’ of an issue in the eyes of the people who were supposed to help me – just a slap on the bottomleaving me avoid his office all together so that I couldn’t get advising on the class I was taking with him. My chair at least tried to help by taking me into his office (after telling off Prof. Auerbach - I have no problem sharing his name, I have witnesses) and spilling all of the gossip and inappropriate behavior of the dirty old guys on our faculty. He basically couldn’t do anything else unless I made an formal complaint - he also encouraged me to share the info with the newest girl in the department. I shared it with all of the students just so the gossip stayed among the student population’s consciousness for the future women. The one who bothered me had a thick file of informal complaints by women who eventually left, but none of that couple be used against him in my case. You can imagine my joy as I entered grad school (prof Auerbach was at my undergrad) and had a professor come up and say “Oh, you went to Temple! You must know Leni Auerbach! He is a great scientist.” I kid you not, on the first DAY of grad school.
Interestingly enough, I made it through two degress without being sexually harassed and only during my third was I harassed, and that by another student. He (and unidentified others) thought that it might be amusing to call me on my cell from a school phone and use inappropriate language about my relationship with the man I was dating at the time (my husband, now). the relationship was very new, I was very hurt (and a bit frightened) and I really felt violated: these were my peers and my number was unlisted- they had it from a group charting in a class. I recognized the voice of the ring leader and I took my phone and its recordded message to the (female) professor in charge of exactly this, and she “spoke to the”. They were never publicly reprimanded and I felt uncomfortable around them for the rest of my degree. But it was a 2nd grad degree and I had evening work, a house and a small biz to run in my copious spare time, so it wasn’t as bad as if this were my lfe and I had no place to get away to. I am still angry that all they got was a talking to, though.
Gs last blog post..Finally it’s over. On to the real election.
Thanks for telling your story. I remember from my stint in grad school, my female officemate knew exactly who the “gropers” in the department were, but 20 years ago noone really felt that anything could be done about them. She was a tough-as-nails punk rocker, she didn’t let it bother her… at least outwardly.
Good for you for sharing now and for speaking up at the time. Women lose out when we keep silent.
When I was working in finance, sexual harassment was all too common. At least there is more support for those who speak up about it today than in the past, but we still have a long fight ahead of us.
Juls last blog post..Non-alcoholic beer is fun!
Wow, thanks everyone for the positive feedback. I went to bed last night a little scared and very nervous about what I had done, but when I woke up this morning to your great comments, I knew I had done the right thing.
@sarah: I’m healing slowly, and this will probably help a lot. Re: therapy, Duke provided counseling and I saw someone briefly in Berlin (God, that’s a whole ‘nother story - the doc suggested I get private insurance if I wanted to be seen right away). Eventually I decided it wasn’t helping.
@meike: Thanks!
@cn heidelberg: Thanks for the link. While most of the commenters are idiots, I think the author did miss out on the whole sexual and non-sexual harassment issue.
@carol: Sounds awful! I can’t yet tell whether blogging this has helped me deal with it, but I suspect it will, and if you feel ready, you should post your experience as well.
@bluefish: I think it can be tough to know what to think about those kind of situations, but the guy has to learn that his behavior is wrong. It is a sad situation for his family however, who are completely innocent. I can’t imagine what the wife and children of a harasser go through. I wouldn’t know what to say to X’s family if I ever met them.
@rita: I know no one who knew me would really think that. I was a complete mess that first year in Germany though. Rainer’s a really great guy for helping me through all that.
@vicky: Yeah, I’ve worked with those know-it-all guys in Europe before. My approach was to send them my CV and tell them to get over themselves
@bowleserised: I think no one knows how they will react until they get into a situation, but I couldn’t stay silent and ignore it. Everything in me rejected that. I don’t know if I would call that gutsy though
@blythe: Thanks. It’s too true that academia is a strange place. And I know most people don’t think I failed out. If someone told me they dropped out of a PhD program, I wouldn’t assume anything about them. I think it’s just some small (very small) part of me that feels like a failure for not finishing.
@michael: Yeah, Duke did a great job of reacting to this and taking it seriously. I must give the university a lot credit for that.
@alexandra: I don’t think I’d be comfortable in the activist role, but I’ll think about what I would be comfortable doing. I agree with what you said. It’s especially appalling that B was female. I guess I didn’t really go into professor C’s role. C was, unbeknownst to me, a political opponent to X and while C pretended to care about my predicament, I believe C was really overjoyed that X had finally screwed up and C used my situation to gain power at the university.
@tammy: I’m not sure why I feel the need to not name names. Maybe it’s because the stat department was such a small, tight-knit department. There were around 20 grad students and something like 14 professors. But I know how you felt on your first day of grad school, I would get that a lot and I still sometimes get it, like when Rainer and I go out with visiting statisticians to his institute and they hear that I went to Duke, they will say something similar.
@G: It’s such a shame that there are so many idiots out there and that some schools don’t take this stuff seriously. It makes me mad.
Thanks, Jul. And yes, there is still a lot of fighting to do.
@scott: Funny enough, we knew who the gropers were too, and this guy wasn’t one of them. When I arrived at Duke, one of the older grad students pulled me aside and told me who to look out for. The “gropers” didn’t really bother me, I knew what to expect from them, it was X, who I trusted and who fooled me, that made me feel violated. I did turn the gropers in too though when my complaint was investigated. I figured that the damage to my career was already done, I might as well go all the way.
I praise your courage and hope you’ll get over whatever emotional trauma this tragic experience inflicted on you.
Marias last blog post..Blowing your nose
Wow! I feel exceptionally fortunate that I have had supportive, respectful instructors and mentors. I work in a male-dominated organization (it’s the Army after all), but have had a positive experience. I couldn’t imagine going through what you went through. I have my Master’s degree to finish, and I wonder what people think about that hanging out there too, but I always figured you left because you changed your mind about what you wanted in life.
Thanks for sharing, and hugs from the US!
Marias last blog post..The wait is over… and continues… all at the same time!
Very courageous, Christina. Be proud of yourself.
Good for you for getting that out of your system! I’m sorry that you have been so violated and I hope that your heart and your self-worth heals soon.
I have also been emotionally and physically violated on several occasions throughout my life. One of my violators was my very own grandfather, also a professor. In college a guy stalked me for several months and forced gifts on me- this scared the crap out of me. A man tried to assault me once, but I luckily had keys in my hand and good boots on my feet. I was able to deter him by yelling really loud and kicking him where it counts. My former employer, a lesbian, started to make advances on me, and when I rejected her, she insulted me in front of co-workers and clients. I was fired two weeks later.
After experiencing all of this, I began to doubt my self-worth and became very bitter and very angry. I had pretty much lost trust in all men.
Fortunately, just like you, I met my husband and my faith was restored in at least one man. It’s been a painful process to learn to let go of the past and realize that not all men or lesbians, for that matter, are violators. I have also regained my self-worth, and do you know how? I know that I experience love everyday, and I return that love every day. If you can love and be loved, you are a person worthy of the whole world and more.
You see, these violators are empty people. They do not love themselves and are therefore not able to love others. They are so desperate to experience true love that they force themselves upon others, only to find themselves continually rejected. It’s a sad,vicious cycle.
I hope this will help you to resolve your pain and find room for forgiveness. Don’t let your heart get clogged up with junk from the past. Let your heart beat for yourself, your family, and all those good people out there.
Take care.
Thank you. I also have a “professor x” in my past and it is comforting to hear someone else’s story.
Yeah Christina for taking the “gropers” down with the prof. X!! Way to go. Still makes me sad though …… stupid man for making statistics such an unattractive career option for a strong woman like you (a woman made astronomy an unattractive career choice for me). I guess I was blessed to have a horrible female adviser. She made my life hell for a few years, but she managed to not do anything criminal - and only once something unethical - to me.
Thank you for posting. I understand this was hard for you to do. I was also sexually harassed by a sales manager early in my career at a television station. I was young ( 21) and feared telling anyone what he had done—especially my own boss, a gruff man, who, himself, was the defendant in a pending sexual harassment case at a station in California. But after complaining to a coworker, she encouraged me to speak to my boss about the offender.
His reaction? He took a baseball bat and walked into the sales manager’s office and dared him to ever bother me again.
The sales man didn’t.
Diane Mandys last blog post..No, she didn’t!
That reminds me of one professor I think I don’t mind naming. Val Johnson was on sabbatical when this happened. When he returned, he became Director of Graduate Studies for the department. I guess no one filled him in on what had occurred, and I was on leave, so when the student reporter called him about harassment in our department, he claimed there was none and didn’t know what she was talking about. When the official investigation started, I went to him to tell him my side of it. He was clueless! First, he said he wish he’d been there when it had happened, cause he would have thrown X through a wall (and he was ex-military, he could have. Go Val!). Then he embarrassingly exclaimed that he just made himself look like an idiot saying there were no problems in our department! His reaction really lifted my spirits and made me wish he had been around that October.
He later accompanied me to X’s office for a confrontation, and he was very helpful in general. He ended up leaving the department shortly afterwards.
Oh, Christina. You are an amazing person. It’s so incredibly hard to be tough and assertive when our true nature is to be gentle and kind. But you doing both. I’m so glad you told us. Although there will be some idiots out there who will treat you as marked in someway after learning your story.
The only cowardice I see from this is that others at that party obviously observing and aware of this inappropriate behavior didn’t step in and dissolve the situation. I know the academic world is highly competitive. But what happened to basic good character? looking after each other?
It takes action, not just principle to change a wrong to a right. For that, you are a hero, girl!
Hezamaries last blog post..eigentlich kein Problem
Christina,
I my heart goes out to you ((((((((( )))))))))))
I know that you had to take a huge dose of courage to put your experiences and feeelings on your blog.
As hard as it is, it can also be a cleansing for you, a release. And yes, you can touch someone who has also been there.
Have been there in Academics I was a Grad student in Uni, and was neighbors with all the Profs.I had a looker, who would always try and talk to me and would pass by & look in.The Latin Prof was a creep…
I couldnt even stand being alone in the Xerox room or elsewhere when he was alone. .
I applaud your courage for what you did at the time. You are a strong woman Christina.
Wishing you continued courage.
barbaras last blog post..Dona Nobis Pacem
the expat 20?? no one warned me about this! but it explains a lot!
not to make light of your story. what you did took a lot of courage.
tessas last blog post..Amerika
While you leave no specific details about what happened, it was clearly a scarring event. It *wasn’t* your fault, though, and there is nothing you could have done differently about that. The only thing you can control now is your reaction. You’re letting him win if you simply end your education. *You* are the one keeping yourself from trusting men. *You* are keeping yourself from enjoying academia. It is your choice.
@meredith: I don’t think it was my fault and I think I handled the situation as best I could at the time. But saying that I’m letting him win by not enjoying academia is bull (sorry, but it is). From my experience in the world of academia (not just the harassment), and from seeing what my husband, who is a professor at the University of Regensburg, has to deal with, I have no desire to be in academia anymore. It’s not just about this issue. As a friend of mine says, “In academia, the fights are so big because the stakes are so small.”
I’m guessing that you are in academia, since it feels like you are trying to shame me about not wanting to be there. As you can probably deduce from the fact that I did press charges against him, I am a strong woman who has no problem standing up for what I believe in. I’m glad that you want to be in academia, it’s important for more women to become professors, but it’s not the place for me.
Thank you for being willing to share the terrible ordeal you had to go through. I know it will help others realize that they are not alone. I hope you find the healing and peace that you need.
Thanks, Elizabeth. I think I have found the peace and healing through writing this.
“Later, shortly before his death, I told him exactly what had happened, and he was upset that he had pressured me to go back.”
Why did you tell your dying father this stressful news? Have you no sense of reserve or consideration for your father? It was your father’s final days on Earth. Why make him feel upset and guilty? I don’t understand why many people feel the urge to “spill the beans” as if it were a catharitic to cleanse your mind.
@seed: I don’t have much patience for trolls, and not that it’s any of your business, but you don’t know what kind of relationship I had with my father, or what shape he was in, or the context of the conversation, or how he reacted. My father was my best friend, he brought up the topic, he was upset, but not distraught, and we both felt glad that the truth was out there. He commented at the time that he had judged me harshly for overreacting to the situation, and was glad to know the truth. If you’re trolling, it ends here. If you were serious, maybe YOU should think twice before making judgments about people and situations that you know nothing about. Remember, there are real people on the other end of the computer. I had a great relationship with my dad, and nothing anyone says can affect that, but maybe next time you decide to judge someone, they won’t be as strong and confident as myself and you’ll make them feel horrible. Was that your goal here? I don’t understand why you felt the need to try and make someone who was harassed and lost their father feel upset and guilty.
Christina- I’m so glad you replied. I started to respond to seed three times and then thought it was perhaps not my place to rip him a new one on your blog. So I’m very glad you did because everything you said was so true and so needed to be said. I am so glad you were able to say it and I hope it did not bring back any bad feelings for you.
Gs last blog post..No Kidding?
I’m with G. I was going to go off, but held off thinking you would take care of it. That being said, I got your back!
Marias last blog post..Colin Powell calls out his own party
Thanks for your support Maria and G, and to everyone else who emailed me as well! It didn’t bring back any bad feelings at all. I’m surprised at how helpful writing this post has been to me getting over this incident.
[…] * that’s a whole other story ** a much, much longer story […]
We’ve got quite a few things in common: parents, expat bloggers and an academic background. What you describe is just one of many problems with academia, and one of the reasons that I’m happy to be out of it! It’s all a bit incestuous. I don’t have much of a perspective on the female side, but I’ve certainly seen all manner of inappropriate behavior in my time.
Nice site.
A Free Mans last blog post..In Defense of Dads
wow, your courage in telling this story is inspiring. more power to you.