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Breast is best?
We arrived safely on Thursday after an uneventful flight (Oliver was awesome and slept most of the trip - some teenage boys even complemented us on how well-behaved he was - we told them that it was just luck, I felt so bad for the baby, and the parents, of the little girl who cried the whole trip). I had been a little wary about what would happen when I breastfed in public, having heard the occasional horror story of intolerance, and I guess I was right to be wary. Although no one has said anything to me, Rainer even noticed that the two times I’ve breastfeed him in public (both in restaurants, once with my back to the vast majority of people and once at the inside seat of a high-walled booth), I’ve gotten “looks” from everyone around me. Not good “looks” like in Germany, where public breastfeeding is completely acceptable, but looks that say, “My God, is she really going to do that here???”
Although I had been worried, I’m a little shocked. I don’t understand why I would get these reactions in such an affluent, highly-educated area of the US (i.e., northern Virginia). It’s made me not want to go out at all. And it’s not like I’m showing ANY skin, I’ve got nursing tops from H&M that don’t show anything and I’m good at placing him discretely.
So how do I get through the rest of the trip? Feed him in the car? Stay home? Use a blanket? I’ve been here 4 days and I’m ready to be back in Germany. I am so not in love with America at the moment. I miss the Germans!
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rita on All the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina August 28, 2008 9:32 am
i just hope for you that taking them off isn’t as painful as unsticking duct tape from skin. it...rita on Video Wednesday: Thai lesson preview August 27, 2008 6:27 pm
mmmh. that all looks so delicious!!!Jonesgirl on Video Wednesday: Thai lesson preview August 27, 2008 3:05 pm
Oh my word, that spread looks amazing! Jonesgirls last blog post..Oh, Michael PhelpsChristina G on Thai food for everyone! August 27, 2008 9:53 am
@maria: I hope we can make you more comfortable then
@rositta: Hmmm, not sure I can make cooking enjoyable if you hate it ;-)...NewWrldYankee on Thai food for everyone! August 25, 2008 9:46 pm
That sounds fantastic! I just found your blog today and I love getting new recipes…looking forward to reading more!rositta on Thai food for everyone! August 25, 2008 6:14 am
I am absolutely looking forward to that. My offspring was in Thailand for 6 weeks a few years ago and took a cooking class there. He...Maria on Thai food for everyone! August 25, 2008 5:48 am
Yeah! I bought the tai cookbook you recommended last year, but I am completely intimidated! I’m looking forward to the internet...Christina G on About Me August 23, 2008 10:42 pm
Hi Sandra, I’ve never heard of TCK or TCA studies. There are a lot of books about raising kids bilingually. I’ll have to look into it.creativecommons License
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Don’t let the lookers get the best of you! Either I don’t notice it or I have been lucky, because I am still nursing…in public… in the US… and The Boy is 1!!! I say, ignore them and go about your business!
I agree with Maria, do your thing and ignore them! Looks are just looks, for the most part you are never going to see those people again in your life.
(On a side note, I weaned my daughter on our U.S. vacation because of the looks, but she was 34 months at the time so the situation was a *bit* different.)
I had my first daughter in DC breastfed her - wow - nearly 3 years, mostly in public and if I got looks I never noticed. Actually, I do remember getting looks was when I took her to Germany for a couple weeks and breastfed at a Starbucks here (she was 1.5). I am now living in Germany and am breastfeeding my second daugher, but I don’t breastfeed her in public anymore. Anyway, DC is fine with breastfeeding, you are probably just more conscious of the people around you because you are away from home.
Just ignore the foolish Americans! Or perhaps better yet, stare at them exactly as they stare at you. I get so furious when I see that attitude! Once I was in a restaurant when some jerk of a woman went UP to a mom who was discretely breastfeeding her baby and YELLED at her. I was so furious that I went up to the intolerant woman and YELLED at her! I think it’s the only time I’ve ever yelled at a stranger, but oooooh — was I furious! The b*tch left the mom (and the baby’s siblings) in tears! I couldn’t get it out of my mind for weeks, and when I think about it I still get furious!
Just keep feeding your baby! Carol
Oh dear, bad luck, but all the best for Christmas anyway. Flying off myself today. Dreading it. Love galore.
Good luck with the rest of the trip. I hope you can feel more relaxed taking care of your boy in public over there. How did it go on the plane with breast feeding?
@maria: I normally would, but I think the looks bother my family. But I’m going to try to ignore them from now on.
@martina: Wow, I always figured that the older Oliver got, the less acceptable it would be in Germany, since from what I’ve heard, a lot of German women stop breastfeeding before, or by the time, the baby is 6 months old. I’m glad to hear that you had positive experiences through 34 months.
@xana: Maybe actually in DC is better than here in the suburbs, or maybe I’m more sensitive. I didn’t really notice either until my hubby pointed out the Lookers.
@carol: Thanks, Carol. But first I’ve got to convince my brothers that breastfeeding in public is okay. Brother #1 actually said last night, “Couldn’t you pump in your room and bring the milk along in a bottle? It’s so embarrassing.” I just asked him if he’s planning on asking his wife-to-be to do the same thing when they have a baby. I think he’d never thought of it that way.
@BiB: Have fun on your trip and Merry Christmas!
@tammy: The plane was fine. No problem at all. But there was an American couple with a baby (the screaming one) opposite us in our row and the mom was very weird about breastfeeding. She had a blanket she’d throw over them and her husband would sit so they were shielded. The baby would often make open mouthed dives at her breast (Oliver’s sign that he wants to nurse, so I imagine her baby’s also) and she wouldn’t nurse it, I guess because she had just nursed shortly before. Sometimes babies need to nurse for comfort, and the poor screaming little girl obviously needed it. I felt so bad for all of them.
Sorry man. We had our own Amerika-Frust while were there the first three weeks of December. Some of it was our faults (if you can blame us) for being out of practice. It was quite over stimulating to be in the gate at Dulles waiting for our flight to Detroit and to hear and understand EVERY conversation — to the point where we couldn’t drown it out at all. And it was a little weird to have complete strangers make airport smalltalk with us. Forgot what that’s like.
But the thing that stuck out the most (at least for me, Sarah’s results may vary) was that I found myself doing the German-person-waiting-in-line thing at all our various retail venues of necessity (most of them were not choice!) this season. I crawled right up several person’s outwear with my shopping cart at Costco or armload of clothing at Macy’s.
Heh, at least someone else probably got skeeved that way.
Christina, just stare back, screw em. You just go ahead and feed that baby any time any place, and have a lovely Christmas…ciao:)
Ugh. We just moved to the Muenster region this past July and I’m still BFing Henry at 19 months. Thankfully, he “only” nurses laying down, in our bed. But, when I share with others that he still drinks momma’s milk, I get comments … not all bad, but not all good either.
My sister was a HUGE BF fan (though not extreme) and nursed all 3 of her kids in NE Ohio with no problems. She was the one though, that in a restaurant, would go up to the mom nursing in the bathroom and talk to her, encouraging her to go out in the restaurant.
Hang in there. I think you’re just aware of it all and well, it’s new.
And I can relate to your brother - mine wouldn’t even come in the room if I was nursing. And it didn’t matter that we were COMPLETELY covered up. But then again, his wife chose formula - she thought to do otherwise was gross. Hmmmm …
I’m very curious to see how Henry will do when we go back to visit this summer … we came over on the QM2, out of Brooklyn. And he slept on the flight from Cleveland to NYC. (thankfully!!!!)
Don’t worry about the looks, Christina. It is ridiculous that it is a negative thing here. But it really isn’t with everyone. Coming back is a culture shock I am sure, but in time, I hope you can enjoy your time with your family. Whatever you do, just go on with your breastfeeding. It is the best thing for Oliver. He is such a happy, easy going baby, because Mom is that way. I guess you could use the blanket method in public if it bothers the brothers. Then for sure they can’t see anything. It might just be a weird brother, sister thing too. Anyway, I hope it all works out and you have a very Merry Christmas. It is true, the Germans are much more relaxed about these things. Pam
You know what? Do it anyway! Why should you feel ashamed and hide?! To hell with them if they can’t deal with it. I’ve put up with horrified “she’s doing THAT… HERE?!” looks for years when strangers have noticed (maybe 1 out of 20 times) when I discreetly check my blood sugar in public or give myself a shot at the table (gee, sorry, I’m insulin dependent and I HAVE to do this many times per day every single day and I am NOT going to be relegated for life to the dark corners of some dirty public bathroom stall like a criminal!). If they can’t deal with knowing (usually not even seeing!) I’m drawing a drop of blood from my fingertip or that Oliver is getting fed from… shock!…. your…. BREAST (!!!), then they can kiss our you-know-whats =;-)
Although I don’t like the blatant porn ads on German TV late at night (that’s taking it a bit too far with the nudity thing), the American shock at something like totally non-sexual like breast feeding baffles me. People are crazy.
I really don’t understand what all the fuss is about BF. Its as old as the human race, and definitely predates bottles and formula. I guess its peoples weird attitudes to body parts. Most people have got breasts and their primary function is for feeding babies. If people can’t deal with that they should be sentanced to 3 months FKK - that’ll sort out their issues! :)
Dear Christina, You continue to do what is best for you and your precious son! Don’t let any uninformed or narrowminded folks effect your holiday/trip. Breasts are wonderful, multi purpose things! And they come in all sizes, shapes and colors much to the delight of those who appreciate them most! Let the lookie-loos think what they want. Why, years ago, as a multi tasking mom I even gave my 2 year old a “snack” while pushing a shopping cart through a store! Talk about looks!!! Hang in there!
I just have to know — what does that mean? A search on urbandictionary.com for “FKK” brought up nothing useful.
Cliff,
do an image search on google.de (not .com) for FKK and that should answer your question
(Freie Körper Kultur)
OK, das genuegt. Kann es mir vorstellen, ohne danach suchen zu muessen. Vielen Dank.
christina, if people continue to give you odd looks, ask them if they’d like to take a sip. that should teach them.
@ cliff: better look at them pictures. or better experience it for yourself. when i was a kid, i always went to the FKK with my grandfather. that habit has certainly provided some very interesting lessons in human anatomy that will last a lifetime, even if i wouldn’t be caught dead on those beaches anymore. :D
How exhausting and frustrating it must be that you’ve come home to the ‘land of the free, home of the brave’ and what you’ve encountered instead are a bunch of cowards who shy at the hint of a breast being put to use and their reaction, instead of freeing you, starts to pressure you into feeling like you’re not free to feed your son. I can’t say I’m surprised to learn that this has been your experience. That’s still America; they just aren’t that far yet.
It’s everyone’s choice if they want to further the cause, teach a lesson or just concentrate on getting the food in the baby. All choices have merit. But for the latter, what might help in the US and other conservative countries is the Bebe Au Lait aka Hooter Hider. If you’re in DC you’ll find them in the high end baby boutiques (also online). They come in really cute prints, are extremely light weight and easy to use (they are hands-free and don’t smother). I think recommended them once before and can say that my friends who have kids swear by them - including the Germans.
Although I can’t relate to breastfeeding, I can relate to the things that were different from Switzerland right away and my first thought was, Can I go back already too!
I think it’s always a give or take when you travel from one country to the next.
That’s just us prude Americans for ya—you’ll have to get used to it!
But really, there are so many advantages and disadvantages to each country, sometimes I dream about taking all of the best parts of Germany (great public transportation, good beer, good bread, Christmas markets, etc.) and the best parts of America (better weather, great barbeque, less rules, less bureaucracy, and my best friends and family) and putting it all together into one awesome country.
A guy can dream, can’t he?
Hi there,
I came across a link to your blog on toytown. I have to say, breast is best! and the people in the states are crazy and retarded about it! I nursed both my girls (now 6 and 4) 1st until age 15 months, 2nd until aged 2 1/2. We moved to Germany when my 2nd was 1 year, so I nursed publicly all over Germany and never had issues. But feed your baby in the US and it’s perverted and disgusting, right!?
Anyway, good for you to nurse wherever you want and enjoy that you can here in Deutschland without those dumb issues.
:)cheers, Lauren