Tonight on my walk with Charlie, I ran into two neighbors who were loitering or something along one of the paths to the woods. It was a middle aged couple with a little Scottie dog. Charlie was on leash, but the woman felt compelled to grab her dog and run behind a large pile of dirt left over from the construction of a nearby house. As I passed the man, I said, loudly and distinctly, “Guten Abend.” The guy just stared back. I looked back at one point after I passed them and they were both just standing there staring at me. I wanted to (and almost did) turn around and tell them that the polite thing to do when a neighbor greets you is to greet them back, I just haven’t got the guts yet.
A few minutes later I ran across a group of men having a little dog gettogether. All of their dogs were off leash. I decided to be neighborly and go up and say hi (Charlie stayed on the leash). Immediately one of the guys turned and left. One by one, as I spoke to the one guy who was speaking back to me, the others took off. At one point, the guy I was speaking to (who asked again what my dog’s name is when I meet him almost everyday and tell him my dog’s name at least every other day) made a shooing gesture towards me, like, right in my face. Was this a “you’re being ridiculous” gesture or a “please go away” gesture? I don’t know, but people seem to run away when I engage them in conversation here and I never had that problem in the US, so I must assume that it’s a cultural thing and not an I’m-a-weirdo thing.
I used to think that these somewhat odd reactions I get were just the way that Germans acted around foreigners, but then I hung out with this caucasian, blond-haired American who spoke almost no German and everybody was super friendly to her, while simultaneously being rude to me. It makes me feel very left out. Even though I’m half-Asian, I never felt like a minority before I moved to Germany. And while I sometimes wondered about it, I never really felt like a minority here until I hung out with this blond American and saw how she was treated. It even had me wondering on my recent trip back to the States whether people were really accepting me regardless of race or if that was just my deluded perception. I was this friendly, open, confident social butterfly in the US and now I am completely unsure of myself. It’s a very frustrating feeling.
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you are living in potsdam now, right? in east germany, the people still have some qualms about asians, mostly becasue quite a number of vietnamese stayed here after the wall came down — and quite understandlibly so! don’t let these bozos get you down, because they don’t understand that shape of eyes or colour of skin does not equal criminal intent.
and before i forget: yes, it IS rude not to greet back. even in germany. at least that’s what my mother told me when i was little.
maybe it’s just my end of the cable, but it looks like the site is faulty. i can only see the beginning of the next article and all your links seem to have disappeared.
yeah, it was my end of the cable … gnf!
Maybe they were scared of your dog
I always say “guten Tag” but with minimal eye contact (I am shy). Or GrüßGott if I am in Bavaria.
Am off to New York on Tuesday, it will be interesting to see if I can cope with American etiquette. Will be taking my girlfriend, and she asks, what should I wear when we go to the Metropolitan opera? I have no idea.
Oh geez. That doesn’t sound like much fun but it’s pretty common behaviour. Germans will tend to stare at people who look “different” than they do (because German society is based on exlusion and not inclusion. You either belong or you don’t). It’s not you, it’s them and their own insecurity and lack of social skills. Like rita said, they are afraid of anything they don’t understand and the behaviour is usually worse in a group situation, as you encountered.
I didn’t realize Germany was like this, and I’m a little surprised. I’m not a very patriotic person, but I think Americans are slightly more accepting in this category.
Wow, I’m really shocked by this. I have a roommate who is also half Asian (East German mother, and Vietnamese father), and think she is a bit shy about it, but have never noticed that anyone has been rude to her. As an American, It took me years to notice that she didn’t really look like a typical German, but Germans themselves seemed to have noticed it right away.
German students, at least, are just as strongly against racism as American students. The people in Berlin are also simply a bit more used to seeing foreigners.
I know I shouldn’t let them get me down, but it’s difficult. I was in such a good mood this week too! I usually try to blame odd behavior on fear of Charlie, it’s easier to deal with that than if I think of it as fear of me, but that’s impossible to do if Charlie isn’t with me.
And while I didn’t have as many problems in Berlin, I did get odd treatment there as well. Not so much in Mitte, but if I ventured out to Steglitz, I almost always got rude treatment there. And I’d agree that young people in Berlin are very open to foreigners. My problems mainly comes from middle aged (sometimes) and older folks (often).
And Vailian, have fun in NYC. I got reverse culture shock on my last trip. I have no idea what one wears to the Metropolitan Opera, but in Sex and the City they dress up. I remember thinking that when you go to the opera you dress up, and when I came for my first visit to Germany and Rainer told me we’d be going to the opera in Berlin, I ran out and searched for a nice formal gown. Come opera night, I was very overdressed. Most people came in jeans. It was very embarrassing, since many people passed the time during intermission by staring at me.